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Elena Ivanovna Berezkina
marched through life,

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without stopping or slowing down
almost from birth

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and in this movement everything was
extremely wonderful

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except for one final point.

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Where did she go with such zeal Elena
Ivanovna actually didn’t know

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she lived fast
so sometimes her own express

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did not have time to slow down on important
stops, flying along quarry rails.

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She missed the station
friends, family, love

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and even a stop
with the modest name sex.

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What is it? I asked you to bring me
Americano with hot milk.

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Do you think this is hot milk?

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If it's so difficult for you to do it to me
Americano with hot milk,

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tell me it's impossible.

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No, no, no need to take it now,
no need!

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What are you standing for? Go.
Go, go and don't look like that.

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It cannot be said that Elena Ivanovna was
very picky and impatient.

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She just had it today
a good reason for serious nervousness:

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the night before my best friend put
doubted the ability of Elena Ivanovna

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invite the opposite sex
love experiences of the first level,

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in other words, Elena Ivanovna
publicly called unfun.

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This is a scary word
hung over Elena Ivanovna

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with all its destructive power.

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To refute the accusation
and provide evidence

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or rather, sleep with the first person you meet,

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Elena Ivanovna was given 24 hours,
of which there are already 18 hours and 9 minutes left.

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Without a clear strategic plan,
Elena Ivanovna nevertheless immediately decided

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that she will spare children and the elderly,

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in other words, men over 55 years of age
she wasn't interested.

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Regarding age requirements
Elena Ivanovna was strict.

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Tinder - maybe
The most hypocritical app in the world.

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Respectable people are more likely to confess
watching porn with dead animals,

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than what they once had an account
in this empire of pimping,

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but now he was most welcome.

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To fill out the form Elena Ivanovna
took it just as seriously

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how to submit documents
for an American visa.

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After all, it is a public document.

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She wrote the truth and nothing but the truth,
Well, maybe I lied a little about my age.

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Having thrown net on Tinder,
Elena Ivanovna thought out of habit

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about alternative methods
achieving the task.

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And as often happens
with brilliant commanders,

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the decision came from an analysis of the area.

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Large concentration of enemy manpower
were expected at St. Isaac's Cathedral,

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Where Elena Ivanovna sent
his first dagger strike.

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The target was found almost immediately.

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And outwardly the young man matched
all the necessary high standards.

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Elena Ivanovna assessed the situation
and decided to start pursuing

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however, she began to fail

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unsuitable for rough terrain
equipment.

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Elena Ivanovna knew how to soberly assess her
strength and decided to retreat.

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Fuck you.

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And regroup
ambushing the enemy at the exit.

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One of Elena Ivanovna’s most valuable qualities
there was patience and the ability to wait,

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however, after an hour she began to suspect

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that something went wrong
More precisely, someone went the wrong way.

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Girl, where is the exit from the colonnade?

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The exit is on the other side.

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As the hour approaches
events began to develop more rapidly.

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The most fashionable cafe in the city,
not a single man.

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The most fashionable museum in the city,
many men, mostly older,

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some commissioned
due to health reasons.

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The most fashionable street, no one at all!

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There are no hopeless situations, I thought
Elena Ivanovna remembered about Tinder.

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One fish was caught in Elena Ivanovna’s net,

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what with such a sincere profile
Not surprisingly, the fish turned out to be gold.

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Swede. There are problems with him with fast
There will be no sex, Elena Ivanovna thought.

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I actually wanted to invite you to Russian
museum, you know the Hermitage - a little banal.

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In response to the offer to go to the museum, Elena
Ivanovna suggested going to bed,

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but met unexpected resistance,
it turned out that the Swede is not like that

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and that he is looking for a wife,
an intelligent woman from St. Petersburg.

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Elena Ivanovna was at the victory feast
not ready and used military stratagem.

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And it seems to me
first it would be nice to understand

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Are we suitable for each other sexually?

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The Swede did not bend. He reported that first
we need to get to know each other better spiritually,

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because there should be no problems with sex.

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As evidence he provided

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numerous certificates from doctors
and a recommendation from his ex-wife.

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Elena Ivanovna met a man for the first time
more organized than herself

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and decided to urgently change
Tinder profile.

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After so many failures in tough conditions
lack of time, many would give up,

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but not Elena Ivanovna.

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She started carpet bombing.

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Within two hours Elena Ivanovna
met 5 men.

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More than in the entire past year.

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The result could become the basis for serious
sociological research.

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The first one was Yogaft
during the period of the most severe celibacy.

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The second one suggested this to Elena Ivanovna:
that she first went to Google,

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and then for a long time I could not come to my senses.

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The third one was slurping too loudly,

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and details for Elena Ivanovna
were of decisive importance.

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For the fourth,
at first glance ideal,

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Elena Ivanovna herself
did not pass the age requirement.

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She was told that she doesn't look 25
under no circumstances.

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Well, the fifth one was just very tired.

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Over its hundred-year history
Astoria has seen a lot...

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Winners, losers,

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but for a long time no guest entered her door
in such a deplorable state.

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The Battle of the Neva was lost by Elena
Ivanovna almost completely.

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She was ready to admit defeat

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and even prepared a slim
philosophical construction on the topic

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“There are no defeats, there are lessons.”

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However, in 34 minutes
until the end of the ultimatum

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the light of hope flashed right into her face.

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“The Guard is dying, but does not surrender,”

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- thought Elena Ivanovna
and rushed to the attack.

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Hello, is your place free or not busy?

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I have important business for you.

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Could you please stand up now
and come with me to the room,

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lie in bed and take a selfie?

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No, no intimacy of course.
I just need a photo.

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Selfie, selfie with a man in bed.

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My friend and I... or rather,
my friend says I'm not fuckable

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I know very well that I am fuckable.

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I had 24 hours to find
the man I'll spend the night with

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and I’ll send my friend a selfie as confirmation.

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But I didn’t find any man, you...

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I need a selfie in bed with a man
in general, I need your help,

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I will, of course, pay 20 thousand,
if needed for IP,

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please let it be on IP
plus six percent.

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No one will ever see these photographs
no social networks.

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I'm not on social networks at all.

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Your family, if you have one,
will never know about these photographs.

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I'll destroy everything at once
and my friend will destroy everything too.

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I just need your help:
yes, yes, no, no!

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Please show some compassion.

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- Let's take off our clothes.
- Yes.

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No, no, just the top.

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Sorry.

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Allow me.

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Don't want to take off your bra?

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Take off your glasses.

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Could you hug me please?

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Sorry.

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Something is wrong. Please smile
like you feel good, okay?

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(chuckle)

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Sorry. Wrinkle it a little, yeah.

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So. Yep.

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What a nightmare.

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Oh my God.

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What a shame.

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Excuse me, please.

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I'm sorry.

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Excuse me, please.

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Forgive me, just to be honest...

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- Oh, what a shame.
- No, no, no.

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Please forgive this. That's it,
no photos needed. I beg you.

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All.

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I just didn't really understand what to do,
I wanted to help you, to be honest, but...

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Sorry.

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But I understand that I'm not the best
just help.

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No, it's not about you at all,
please excuse me.

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Forgive me, it seems to me that it’s not bad,
To be honest, it even worked out.

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If I saw the photo, I would
I would believe it right away

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and if they showed me such a photograph,
that two people...

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Please forgive me, I'm so ashamed
I'm really ashamed, believe me.

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This is kind of ridiculous...

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Yes, thank you very much,
no photos needed.

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Please don't need anything.

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- Why not?
- What do you want?

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Elena Ivanovna, it seems, for the first time
looked into my eyes

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to this unknown man

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and collapsed into them.

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Tenderness is the most powerful weapon
in the human arsenal.

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From which there is no protection
not a single commander.

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And do we always need to defend ourselves?

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Sometimes you just have to take off your armor
and surrender to your own and other people’s feelings,

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even if you face defeat.

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The memories of him will become
the best moments of your life.

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Elena Ivanovna finally decided nothing
don't decide and just trust the universe,

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which in some strange way led her
to this still unknown man.

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Which means it's time for us to leave.

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After all, spying on a woman
At such a moment it is simply impolite.

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So let's leave it now
our heroine in those moments

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which should belong only to two.

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Ahh!

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At least believe it, at least check it,
But yesterday I dreamed

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It's like a prince came running after me,
On a silver horse.

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And the dancers greeted us,
Drummer and trumpeter

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Forty-eight conductors
And one gray-haired violinist.

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At least believe it, at least check it,
It was a wonderful ball

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And the artist on the cuff,
He drew my portrait.

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And the famous sage said,
That there is no one sweeter than me.

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The composer sang songs to me,
And the poet read poetry.

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Pa-pa-ra-ram. Ta-ba-ba-da-ba-dam.

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Ta-pa-ra-ra. Pa-da-ba-ba-dam.

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At least believe it, at least check it,
So I danced a quadrille,

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That thirteen gentlemen
We couldn't catch our breath.

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And the orchestra was on fire,
And all the people laughed

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Because on the piano
The king himself played the gabot.

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Pa-ra-ru-ram. Pa-da-ba-ba-dam.
Pa-ra-ru-ram. Pa-da-ba-ba-dam.

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00:18:41,647 --> 00:18:44,928
Pa-ra-ru-ram. Pa-da-ba-ba-dam.

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00:18:45,009 --> 00:18:47,466
Ta-pa-ra-ra. Pa-da-ba-ba-dam.

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At least believe it, at least check it,
I was spinning like a top

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And that's probably why
I lost my shoe.

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And when my dream melted away,
Like night clouds

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They stood on my window,
Two crystal slippers.

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Pa-ra-ru-ram. Pa-da-ba-ba-dam.
Pa-ra-ru-ram. Pa-da-ba-ba-dam.

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00:19:48,451 --> 00:19:55,223
Pa-ra-ru-ram. Pa-da-ba-ba-dam.
Pa-ra-ru-ram. Pa-da-ba-ba-dam.